Key takeaway is you’re making it easier to find you and your voices sound real stupid.
We can hear every transmission you send, every whiny report of your casualties, every pathetic cry for help. Good news, doomed humans, our primary communications array, the Horn of Abolition, just got a big upgrade.Imagine the secrets spilling out of them, not to mention all the other stuff. Anybody missing? There’s a good chance that your absent comrades have been taken to the Redoubt of Sundering. Attention, scattered remnants of the UNSC, look to your left, now look to your right.Keep your comms tuned to this frequency for the latest updates on your dead comrades, your dwindling hopes, and your greatest failures. Good day, UNSC, it’s your old pal Glibnub, Banished Communications Officer/Propaganda Overlord, and it’s another great day of hunting you down like wild animals on Zeta Halo.But hey, just because we lost Escharum, Hyperius, Tovarus, Tremonius, Jega, the Harbinger, a bunch of Chieftains, scores of Lieutenants, tons of our greatest warriors, most of our hardware, and almost all of our food preserves doesn't mean- Wait, what was I talking about? Man, I'm depressed. This can’t be happening! We trained so hard! I yelled so much stuff! We-We can’t lose! It-It’s not over! Let’s dig up a new War Chief and-and get back to it! We are the Banished!.Any takers? I’m not gonna volunteer for the job, but if I was nominated…well, I’d consider it, just saying. We ain’t licked yet, we just need a new leader.Sure, Chief did him in, but come on, that’s like beating your grandpa to death, which, while admirable, is something anybody could do. Escharum was gonna keel over any second anyway. Activate surprise trap attack now! I’m serious. Attention, Banished warriors, the humans killed the fake Escharum body double monkey clone we left out for them to find.That wasn't Escharum, that was four Grunts in a Brute suit. Hey Spartan, look, I know you think you've won and all, but joke's on you.Listen up, pukes, a spire has fallen, so what? We’ve got tons of those things all over the ring making this weapon whole again and making good progress too! That power belongs to the Banished and one spire ain’t gonna make a bit of difference, you hear me?.Doesn’t that boil your blood? Are you really gonna let the Spartan get away with that? Because if you do, you might be next. I was…kinda sorta lying about Bassus retiring, the truth is…he’s dead.The carnage, it was so vicious that we’re, uh, not exactly sure what happened, but one thing’s for sure, the Chief is dead. Two of our greatest Spartan Killers, Hyperius and Tovarus, were recently spotted kickin' the ever-loving snot out of the Master Chief.
Be advised, humans, that we’ve detected a functioning Pelican zooming about the Ring, and our AA guns are very excited about shooting it down.Hey, anyone watch us shoot that ratty old Pelican out of the sky? I’m delighted to report that the Master Chief died in the crash like a weak little stooge.A shame you weren’t around to do anything about it, boo hoo hoo! Hey, Chief? You see Jega’s latest work in the Conservatory? A certain Spartan Makovich left in a big dead heap.You think I’m scared of you? You just lost the war! He sure was a big dumb animal, wasn’t he? Like the rest of you Brutes. Hey, you know who I don’t miss? Bassus.He’s going to work in an undisclosed location where he’ll be quite alive and in no way dead. Our favorite excavation site lead, the mighty Bassus, has been promoted. To all humans looking forward to being interrogated to death, I regret to report that the Tower is closed for renovations by order of Commander Chak 'Lok, who is 100% alive, but don’t worry, we’ll be happy to make other arrangements to send you to whatever stupid afterlife you believe in, or absent that, the inky abyss.
0 kommentar(er)
